Lessons From My Mom

Probably the biggest thing I have learned is just how much I don’t know about caregiving. As the former Executive Director of Caregiver Connections, though, I thought I knew quite a lot about caregiving – after all, who could be more prepared? The truth was that when the decision was made for my Mom to leave assisted living in New York and move to Colorado when she was 93, my heart was glad, but my brain was very scared! How would this change my life? How would I manage?

Turns out I wasn’t prepared. No one can be and the moment you think you have it all figured out something changes. Not unlike having children, I suppose. But, just like a child, my Mom also continually surprises, delights and frustrates me and, on the whole, shows me what’s important in life, which makes me feel very grateful.

My Mom is about to turn 98 now and it is hard to believe she will have lived with us for five years in June. She claims we saved her life and that, in fact, “this has opened up a whole new world for me.” This was the same woman who at the young age of 87 talked about not being around much longer. I remember saying once, “Mom, don’t talk like that – you could live for another ten years!” to which she responded, “GOD, I hope not!” So, I figure, no matter how bleak the outlook may be at times, you should never, ever give up because you just don’t know what new chapter lies ahead.

Another impact she has had on me is the constant reminder to slow down and enjoy the moment and the beauty around me. When she awakens, she likes to sit on the edge of her bed (seemingly forever to this Type A daughter) and look out the window and comment on the new daffodils, the clouds, the birds, or sunrise. Likewise, she looks forward every evening to seeing if there will be a pretty sunset. She will sit at the table patiently waiting. Let’s not even talk about the rainbows! She has even taught me how to love my own pets more. Stella, one of our cats, will wait until my Mom is settled in for her nap to jump up on her lap. Once my Mom wakes up, she will continue to sit in her chair for another hour or more just so she doesn’t disturb Stella.

I look forward to tucking her in at night because she usually makes me laugh. The other night, she apologized for being a bit late with her reading (she reads in bed every night and I wait for her to ring her bell to go turn on her oxygen and turn off the light). I said, “Mom, you don’t have to apologize --- after all, what’s the point of being 98 if you can’t stay up as long as you like.” And, she said, “I know… isn’t it wonderful?!” “Yes”, I said to myself, “yes, it is.”

by Wendy Miller