The Crazy World of Caregiver Guilt

Why in the world would I have anything to feel guilty about? My mother, who will be turning 99 next month, lives with me instead of being in a nursing facility. She has lived way longer than anyone expected because of the great care she gets. I have sacrificed a lot for six years so far – put my own life on hold, been more tied down, don’t have the privacy I prefer due to the caregivers who are here, feel like my house isn’t my house anymore, and endured stressful episodes when she wasn’t well. My siblings live far away and rarely call or visit. It is out of sight, out of mind for them. Yet, here I am feeling guilty I don’t spend enough time with my Mom! She is never out of sight (or ear shot) and I am all too aware when she might be bored, sad, confused or lonely. I feel guilty for not having more meals with her or taking her out. There is always more I could be doing.

Rationally, I know it is crazy to feel guilty and I sure wish my brain could convince the rest of me so I don’t feel that feeling. However, I guess I am starting to accept that it just comes with the territory of being a caregiver. It’s probably why we chose to be caregivers to begin with. If you are a caregiver, I (and others) could tell you there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty and point out everything you do for your loved one. But, don’t worry, I won’t. After all, if I can’t convince myself, how can I convince you? I will say, though, that I understand and it is part of what makes you special. Embrace it as a necessary part of the continuum of “caring” because apathy just does not belong.